Bolton & Pompeo's Last Stand
After watching the comedy duo's last stage performance, 'Laughing Stock', at the national theater last night I came away with the feeling that I might have witnessed the end of an era. Sure enough the gags were there, the comedy timing, the audience participation, in fact this was an authentic Bolton&Pompeo stage production.
So what is the problem you might ask? The problem is this sort of thing might have worked a decade or two ago, but times have changed and audiences with it. Even though I saw a few older people chuckle occasionally, the younger crowd was mostly unmoved.
For the most part there was very little new on offer, most of the material was just hack jobs of previous favourites. Titles like We Must Bomb Iran and They're Terrorist! sounded like they took WMD (from 2001) and just gave it a new title. Other old songs like We Bring Democracy, Pre-emptive War and We're Under Threat failed to get any reaction from the weary audience.
The end of an era, but maybe time to move on?
Lost Rocket Comics Issue 56 'Re-Issue'
As the year draws to a close, Lost Rocket Comics brings you the latest re-issue of our impressive back catalogue.
We have decided to re-issue the complete Infinity War Saga as this was one of our favourite storylines.
In this issue The Coloniser and Misogynisto have captured Captain Pussygrab's soul (see Lost Rocket issue no.4533) and his trying to bend his will to their own.
The drums of war are beating again as the Just Us League aims to spread democracy in Iran.
Below is a peak of the cover artwork, all lovingly recreated. The re-issue is now available to order online and the first 50 orders will each receive a 'WMD'.
Lost Rocket Comics Issue 54 and 20 'Re-Issues'
Lost Rocket just re-issued two more scintillating titles from the back catalogue, Issue 54 and 20.
As build-up to the Infinity War Saga, and Captain PussyGrab being one of the main members of the Just Us League, we saw it fitting to release these two titles again.
Issue 20 delves back into the origin story of one of Lost Rocket Universe's srongest and most enduring characters. From his humble beginnings as real estate schyster to pussygrabbing glory.
If you order Issue 20 online, you will also get Issue 54 for free. In Issue 54 watch the captain square off against one of his deadliest foes, Rocketman, in one of the biggest pissing contests this side of the Oort Cloud.
A sneak peak inside Issue 20:
Bush finally brought to justice
George Bush, former president of the United States, has been executed at his Texas compound in the early hours of wednesday morning. The raid and final execution was the result of a joint international effort spanning months and carried out by Iraqi and Afghan special forces.
Bush has been an international fugitive since he was found guilty at the International Criminal Court for two wars of aggression against Iraq and Afghanistan. It has long been suspected that he was hiding in the United States, but an uncooperative US government has made it difficult for international investigators.
After an unknown source revealed that Bush was hiding in plain sight on his Texas ranch (he was living in an underground bunker and never left the house), Afghan and Iraqi governments decided to perform the raid without the knowledge of the US government.
Two special forces teams entered the US with the help of the Mexican government, crossing the border into Texas in two attack helicopters. Flying very close to the ground to avoid detection, the raid was scheduled for a night with very little moonlight.
Even though the purpose of the raid was only to kill Bush, 3 other people were also killed; two bodyguards and Barbara Bush (daughter) who startled the special forces agents as they entered the house.
Upon approaching the underground bunker Bush apparently stuck his head outside the door and realising what was happening, slammed the door shut. According to reports, upon entering the bunker bush was standing in his night gown pushing Laura Bush in front of him like a shield. As he tried to reach for a gun that was lying on the night stand, special forces opened fire, bullets striking him in the chest and head, killing him instantly. It was during this exchange that Laura Bush was injured.
According to Afghan officials the body was taken back over the border and buried in an unmarked grave in the Mexican desert so that "...his grave does not become a shrine." The attached image is the only evidence of the body.
South African strongman finally faces justice
Former president Jacob Zuma appeared for the first time in court today after being captured last month at his controversial Nkandla homestead.
A frail looking Zuma was pushed into court in a wheelchair after injuries sustained during his arrest left him with a broken leg and cracked ribs. A packed courtroom erupted in chaos at the sight of the former strongman with news of his appearance spreading quickly to the jubilant thousands gathered outside the court. A strong police presence managed to control the angry crowd and calm was restored in court after 10 minutes.
The more than 700 charges were read out to Zuma who appeared dazed and confused throughout, his mouth open, small buckteeth protruding. He also apeared to be mumbling to no one in particular, staring vacantly into the distance. He was not asked to plead.
Zuma was arrested last month after weeks of mass protests throughout the country forced him to call in the army to bring an end to the protest. After the army refused to intervene, he fled to his Nkandla home. The news spread and soon there were crowds outide Nkandla. After being refused entry into the grounds the angry crowd overran security and stormed the home.
Eventually Zuma was found hiding in a drainpipe. Luckily members of the army was there to extract him as he was set upon by the angry mob. He was taken into protective custody and held until his court appearance today.
Bread and Circuses
The City of Cape Town has decided to extend its NoonGun Extravaganza™ to lower-to-middle middleclass residents (earning up to R40 000 p/m) starting January 2018. Originally started in 2010 during the soccer world cup in Cape Town, the NoonGun Extravaganza™ was seen as a way to both boost tourism and curb the problem of homeless people in the city.
Prior to the tournament homeless people were randomly picked up by police and removed to informal settlements or shelters outside the city. The reality was the homeless didn't fit in with the image that the city wanted to portray (especially) to foreign visitors, that of a first world city with limited crime and poverty.
The problem was that the homeless kept on coming back. Also, due to the difficult economic circumstances in South Africa, there was a constant influx of new homeless people. On the eve of the 2010 world cup, the city saw an opportunity to have their cake and eat it. Public executions.
Instead of constant removal from the city, homeless people could volunteer to be executed by the noon gun; i.e. the gun would be loaded with live amunition and then fired at the person in front of it. In return the city offered to put the name of the volunteer on a gold plaque which would be put on a wall in the Noon Gun cafeteria. Plus if the volunteer had any family they would get a once off payment of R50 000. At R10 000 per ticket (only 100 tickets available) members of the public could witness the event which was held once every 2 weeks.
It was an instant hit with tourists and locals alike.
On Wednesday it was announced that middleclass residents were also eligible to take part in the NoonGun Extravaganza™. This comes after years of rapidly rising living costs in the city especially with regards to rent, which has skyrocketed over the last 3 years, finding an increasing number of residents unable to make a living in the city. With the city unwilling to look into the rent issue, more and more residents are becoming desperate for alternatives.
According to a city spokesperson by willing to sacrifice themselves for the NoonGun Extravaganza™ initiative, the families of the deceased will be allowed to stay in the city rent free for a year.
Tickets for the 2018 season goes on sale next month.
The Dear Leader
The junta was left with more than a bit of egg on its face after the statue of the 'Prescious Leader' collapsed barely a week after its unveiling. The 50m tall statue was unveiled last week Thursday as part of the junta's effort to boost public opinion of the embattled president. This latest public relations stunt comes scarcely a year after a similar effort to boost the party leaders' public appeal by changing his title to 'Precious Leader for Life'. The 'for Life' bit was later dropped.
Security was tight yesterday as scores of people flocked to 'ground zero' to take pictures of the fallen statue. No photography was allowed and the area was quickly cordoned off and remains off limits. There has been no official statement from government to date.